


Sooner or Never

by Yeyitsleelo



Category: The Resident (TV 2018)
Genre: A little bit of lemon, Angst, CoNic, F/M, Hurt, JealousNic, WorriedConrad, because why not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:00:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24568126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yeyitsleelo/pseuds/Yeyitsleelo
Summary: Nic sees Henry and Conrad together and insecurities, she did not know she had, arise. Questioning if she made the right choice.RATED M- A tad bit of lemon so be warned!
Relationships: Conrad Hawkins/Nicolette Nevin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 54





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted Fox to have explored Nic's miscarriage storyline a whole lot more but then it was suddenly forgotten that or maybe they'll explore it in season 4! I also wanted to hear what Conrad thought of the whole thing. Was he relieved? Was he upset? Who knows? There was also the Zoe character which also bugged me in the end though i was relieved that she was never mentioned again and nothing romantic happened with her.
> 
> I recently had spoken to a friend who recently had a similar encounter with Nic in the story. I took that as inspiration.
> 
> Anyways this is just my take in it. Again, forgive me if there are some inaccuracies. Anyways, please leave a comment if you liked it or leave a kudos! It's just nice to know that someone out there appreciates the hard work that I've done.

“Thank you so much, Nurse Nevin.” The elderly woman gently squeezed her arm.

“No worries, Glenda. Anytime.” Nic smiled, as she took her gloves off.

The woman’s kind eyes went to Nic’s sparking diamond on her ring finger and gave out a delighted squeal.

“Oh dear! Look at that rock. Who is the lucky fella?” Taking a hold of Nic’s left hand and bringing it closer to the woman’s eye level.

Nic chuckled and shyly removed her hand. Nic was not the one for attention and she should have been used to it by now. It seemed that people really does have a soft spot for newly engaged women, it was amusing.

She opened her mouth to mouth to reply but was cut of by the noise coming from her beeper. Excusing herself, she checked her beeper only to see that Conrad paged her to the third floor.

“Speaking of the devil…” she smiled to herself. Nic bid her farewell to her patient and headed towards the elevator.

It did not take her a while to find which room Conrad was in, she could already hear his laughter all the way from where she was. Nic smiled wider when he heard another laughter this time coming from a much smaller person.

It was Henry’s check up today. She had been so busy; she’d almost forgotten. He has been deemed as one Conrad’s favorite patients, not that it should come to a surprise. Conrad has always been so caring towards his patients.

As she walked closer, she decided to let Conrad and Henry have their moment first and not announce her arrival. It seemed to have worked since the two boys did not even glance her way, too engaged with each other.

“Woah woah so you are telling me that you scored that last winning in the last game?” Conrad asked in mocking disbelief.

Henry nodded vigorously, “Yes! I did! The other team was like “Nooooo!”

The boy stood up and waved his hands dramatically which made Conrad laugh and Nic smiled harder,

“Okay okay, buddy. Relax, you don’t want to hurt that head of yours.” Conrad gently grabbed Henry’s hand to make him sit back down.

The boy’s enthusiasm did not falter, “You should have seen me, Dr. Conrad. I was awesome!”

“I bet you were.”

As Henry sat back down, Conrad ruffled his hair, “I’m proud of you.”

The gesture made Nic’s heart melt. It was very obvious that Conrad really cared for the boy.

Henry looked at Conrad and Nic did not miss the wishful expression in his eyes. “I wished you were there Dr. Conrad. Why weren’t you? You used to go to my games.”

Ever since that day, Conrad had maintained a healthy distance between Henry and his mom. He was getting too emotionally involved that it not seem right to go see Henry outside the hospital premises.

But Nic knew better, Conrad would have gone to his games if he could.

Conrad sighed, “Well…a lot of people needs my help here at the hospital. To see that they all get better like you.”

He wrapped an arm on Henry’s shoulders and gently hugged him in attempt to make him feel better, “Besides, I don’t need to be there to know that you are going to be great!”

Henry’s smile returned, “Really?”

“Of course! Plus your mom’s there to cheer you on. No better support than that!”

“Yeah you’re right.” Henry grinned and looked back at his trophy.

Nic took that as a cue to announce her presence but was stopped when she saw the change in Henry’s expression.

Henry paused, his shoulder sagging a little bit, almost sheepish, “Dr. Conrad?”

“Yeah?”

“I wish you are my Dad.” He whispered softly but loud enough that Nic could hear it.

And it almost broke her heart.

Henry had questioned her before if she were to marry Conrad, that time she was still having issues with herself and her relationship with Conrad. It was a mess. She was a mess. Though it was no doubt that she loved Conrad deeply, she was simply not ready that time.

“I hope Dr. Conrad marries my mom.”

She could never fault Henry, who is just a boy and doesn’t know any better, for wanting Conrad to be his dad. Conrad was…is great with children. He was just so good with them. Almost every kid gets enamored by her charming fiancé.

He’s great with kids but he is exceptionally amazing with Henry.

Nic could see why Henry would wish that.

But it was Conrad’s answer that caused her heart to plummet to her stomach.

“Me too, buddy. Me too.” Conrad replied, wrapping his arm around the boy and gave him a bear hug,

For people, it looked like a picture perfect father and son moment. Alec had once mistook Henry for being Conrad’s son and Zoe being his wife. Not just him but almost all the hospital staff could see that Conrad was very close to Henry. There were times that patients have asked her if Zoe and Henry were Conrad’s family.

She had never thought of it that until now.

What if Conrad really wanted Henry to be his? What if Henry is so important to Conrad that he would marry Zoe just so Henry could be legally his?

Just like that, it was like a Pandora box has opened inside Nic’s mind.

_What if her first miscarriage was her last possible pregnancy?_

_What if she were to have multiple miscarriages? Will Conrad still want her?_

_What if she could never have kids?_

_Will Conrad still marry her?_

Even a fool would know that Conrad’s dream was to become a dad and to have his own family. If Nic could not make that happen for him. What would become of them?

What if she was never to become a mom?

Was she even ready?

What if Henry and Zoe are Conrad’s chance of becoming a family?

Flashbacks of Alec’s comment, that time when Conrad’s lungs gave out when getting the device needed for Henry in the other building in order to save his life, that radiating excitement when he was going to Henry’s game…

An an unfamiliar wave of jealousy invaded her stomach.

And suddenly she wanted to be anywhere but there, just a few steps away from them.

Her feet had a mind of its own as she started walking away from the them towards the elevator. Her mind and heart consumed with thoughts, she does not spare a glance to Zoe who had greeted her on the way back.

Seeing as she only had a few minutes till her shift ends, she was able to get off of work earlier. Her disposition however, did not go unnoticed by a few staff.

“Are you okay, Sweetie?”

Nic turned to Nurse Hundley and nodded. Her smile not reaching her eyes, “Y-yeah. I’m fine”

“You don’t seem fine to me, honey. Do you want to go see a doctor?”

Nic shook her head no, “I’m fine, Nurse Hundley.”

“In the risk of sounding redundant, you don’t seem fine to me and-”

“Look, if I say, I’m fine. I’m fine!” Nic could not help but snap.

Nurse Hundley was taken a back, “Easy there, sweetie. No one is against you here.”

Nic automatically felt guilty, she had always loved Nurse Hundley and looks up to the woman.

“I’m-I’m sorry, Nurse Hundley.” Nic said, apologetically, “I just need to be anywhere but here.”

As much as Nurse Hundley wanted to pry her open, it seemed as if Nic could not get away from Chastain fast enough as she just walked away without saying goodbye. The nurse had no choice but to watch Nic walk away.


	2. Chapter 2

“Is Nic okay?” Zoe asked as she handed the sandwich to Henry.

His eyebrow creased, “What made you ask that?”

Zoe shrugged, “I don’t know. I just saw her but she seemed…off. Like not herself. I don’t think she even saw me or even heard me when I called her name.”

“Just now?”

Zoe nodded, “Yeah, just about when I got out of the elevator.”

His frown deepened and turned to look at his watch. It has been almost twenty minutes since he has paged her. So Nic was already in third floor but did go see him?

“Alright, thanks for letting me know. I better get going and check on her.”

After saying goodbye to Henry, he rushed to the ER where he knew that Nic was assigned today. His eyes did a quick scan but couldn’t find his fiancé so he made his way to the nursing station.

“Hey Hundley. Have you seen Nic?”

Nurse Hundley frowned, “When I saw her left Chastain…hold on a minute… she did not tell you?

“She left?” He blinked.

Now, he was worried. Nic left without telling him. No matter how busy it gets, Nic either would come to him to say goodbye, or least of all text him. And vice versa.

“I’m guessing she didn’t.” Nurse Hundley said almost awkwardly. “Since you’re already here, might as well tell you that something seemed off with Nic when she left.”

“What happened?”

“Our girl has been so headstrong, it’s almost scary. That’s what makes her such a good nurse.” Hundley started, “It’s a rarity to see her in a nervous state but either way she has always been able to pick herself back up, just how she is.”

Conrad listened intently, hanging onto the nurse’s words.

“I don’t know…but that Nic that just walked out that door is different. it just seems like she’s got the weight on her shoulders.”

“Did she say anything to you?” Conrad pressed.

She shook her head, “Sorry no, I tried to talk to her but it seemed like she couldn’t get out fast enough.”

Placing his hands both on his hips, he tried to look back at lunch time when they had lunch. He hadn’t sensed any negative vibe from her. He’d sense it if something had felt off.

“Do you know what time she left?”

Nurse Hundley nodded, “Yeah, a little before her shift ended. Again, very unlikely because Nic does overtime and almost never under.” She paused, “Is everything alright with you two?”

Conrad nodded honestly, “As far as I know.”

“Well whatever it is, hopefully everything will be okay. I worry for her.” Hundley said with genuine care.

He placed a hand on Nurse Hundley shoulder, giving it a light squeeze, “Thanks, Hundley.”

With that, she left the doctor to tend back to her duties leaving Conrad worked up and confused. Did something happen to her during her shift?

Conrad stepped into the supply closet to give Nic a call. It only rang twice before the call was rejected.

He called her again but this time, it sent to voicemail.

“Damn it.” He muttered. What is going on? Was she mad at him or something?

Typical Dr. Conrad again, tried to look back during this morning when she woke up, when they met up earlier for lunch but nothing.

Conrad knew he could no longer concentrate in work until he would find Nic and as unprofessional as it may be so he had another resident to cover the rest of his shift, seeing as he only had a couple of hours left, the doctor agreed.

He immediately drove back to their place, hoping to find Nic but only having come home in an empty house.

“Nic?” he called out as he went upstairs to check their bedroom. She was not there.

“Nic, you here?”

He checked every room in their house and the backyard but there was no sign of her. Panic was slowly starting to settle in his stomach. Is she okay?

Sitting down, he knew he needed to calm down. Taking his phone again, he dialed Kyle’s number. Nic’s dad was still very much In the center but he seemed to have been getting better with treatment.

“Hey Conrad! How’s it going?” a cheerful voice greeted him.

“Kyle, have you spoken to Nic?” Conrad went straight to the point.

“Nic? I spoke to her yesterday, why?”

Conrad sighed, he knew this since he was there during the call, “She did not call you today? Or texted?”

“No, she didn’t. Why? Is something wrong with Nicky?” worry evident in Kyle’s tone.

Conrad realized that it was probably a not wise calling Kyle, knowing that he was still in a delicate state. “N-no. Everything is fine. So sorry to bother you, Kyle. I’ll talk to you soon.”

He hung up the phone and plopped it on the coffee table. Where in the world could she be?  
For a second he opted to look for her but Conrad wanted to be there in case she comes back.

“She’s okay. She’s fine.” He tried to convinced himself. His fiancé’s a tough cookie, she proved that many times.

Maybe she just went for a jog?

Or maybe she went out for groceries?

An off day perhaps?

Though it doesn’t explain why she would not tell him what could be bothering her. Nic knew that despite everything, Conrad would always find time to listen to her. They were getting better with their relationship, fixing issues that needed to be fixed.

So what happened today?

“Nic, please call me when you get this.” Leaving a voice mail for a her.

There were multiple more of those he left on her phone before deciding it won’t get him anywhere.

Knowing that worrying won’t do anyone good, Conrad convinced himself to wait for Nic at home. Maybe he was worrying for nothing. With heavy steps, he went and showered.

Two hours later, he was already pacing back and forth. Conrad had called Nic what seemed like a thousand times but not once did she pick up her phone.

It was already close to nine o’clock and she still isn’t home. His worrying went to full blown panic mode. Knowing he won’t go anywhere in calling Nic, he called the police for a missing file report.

But much to his dismay, the police could not file a missing person report since she has not been gone for more than 24 hours. He felt like swearing.

He called the next best person, “Conrad?”

“Dad!”

Marshall could sense the panic in his son’s voice, “What’s wrong, son?”

“Nic is missing. Is there a way you could find her?”

“Wait-hold on. What do you mean, she’s missing?”

Conrad wanted to burst, “She’s missing. I called her so many times but she’s not answering any of my calls. She left before her shift ended without saying goodbye. Nurse Hundley said that something seemed to be bothering her. Even Zoe said the same thing.”

“-you know Nic, Dad. This is unlike her. I’m just….”

“You’re worried, I know. But you need to calm down, son.” Marshall finished in a calm manner.

“Dad, I can’t exactly calm down when my fiancé is missing.” Conrad said in exasperation.

“Conrad, follow what the police suggested. Wait for 24 hours and then—”

“Conrad?”

His heart stopped when he heard the familiar voice. Quickly turning around, he sees the love of his life in the living room. Still in her scrubs and her gray hoodie.

“Oh Thank God.” He sighed in relief, immediately walking over to her and gave her a bone crushing hug.

She hugged him back with the same intensity and suddenly Conrad felt the instant relief that she was okay.

“I called you.” He whispered before giving inhaling her scent and kissed her shoulder.

He pulled away and upped her face with his hands, his eyes scanning her face for any signs of distress, “Are you okay?”

Nic nodded, trying to smile but Conrad knew better. “What’s going on?”

Conrad scanned her face and saw that her face was all puffy, her eyes swollen and her nose red. She had been crying and for a long time at that. “What happened?”

Nic looked at him. It looked like she wanted to say something before taking both his hands away from her face. Without a word, she turned her back and walked up to the stairs without looking at him.

“Nic, come on.”

But she didn’t stop to look at him and just kept going.

His whole being wanted to follow her and confront her but then he knew Nic so well not to pressure her into talking if she wasn’t ready. He had seen her like this once and that is when Jessie died. That time, he gave her time and space to mourn.

He wasn’t sure if he’d want to do the same right now.  
He did not want to leave her alone.

Conrad gave her a few minutes before heading upstairs to check on her. He hears the water running from the shower, the room slightly ajar. He stopped his tracks when he heard sobs.

“Nic…” He softly called out.

She didn’t answer, he wasn’t sure if she’d heard him. The sobs didn’t stop.

“Nic…” he called again, this time not waiting for an answer.

His heart broke at the sight of her, her head down and her shoulders shaking. He quickly stepped in and hugged her from behind, not caring if he was getting drenched.

She froze before immediately sinking into his arms. He turned her around, her tears mixed in with the water but before he could ask her anything, she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him.

They had kissed most probably a thousand times but her kiss tonight was different. It was full of desperation and in need like her life had depended on it.

“Nic, what are-” He pulled back, confused.

“Please, Conrad.” Her lips quivering, voice begging. “I need this.”

Before he could argue, she kissed him again absolutely demonstrating exactly how much she did. Conrad always prided himself to giving Nic whatever she wanted. So even if he wanted to ask her what’s wrong, he gave in to her.

Her smooth hands tangled into his dark blonde hair, giving it a little hard tug, Conrad could not help but groan in pleasure. He felt the familiar heat under his belly, the kind that only Nic can make him feel.

He too needed this. To be with her as close as possible.

Conrad angled her head, kissing her with the same intensity. Nic gripped the hem of shirt before taking it off of him. He grunted at the loss of contact before placing open mouthed kisses on her neck.

She moaned, feeling the familiar stubble on her skin that she really loves. Not wasting any more time, she gave him butterfly kisses on his chest onto his stomach before pulling his shorts down alongside his boxers making them both naked.

He cupped her the side of face and bought her up to his level, pressing himself to her. Skin to skin.

“God, you’re breathtaking.” He whispered against her lips before prying her mouth open to kiss her deeply. Their tongues tangling and teasing going into a familiar dance.

His hands were all over, she yelped in pleasure when his hand found her breast gently fondling them. She couldn’t help but moan when his other hand, cupped the middle of her legs.

“Oh God.” She moaned out loud, when she felt his finger gently rubbing her.

He lets go of her lips, kissed her neck until he reached the in between of breasts. She cried out when she felt him capture her nipple and gently sucked.

“C-Conrad.” She chanted his name in bliss. He went to kiss her again.

“I love you, you know that right?” he said, his voice husky,

Nic nodded, “Show me.”

Conrad grinned before kissing her again, her hands buried in his hair before guiding him down to where she wanted him to be. Conrad happily obliged.

She sighed when she felt Conrad place small kisses in her inner thigh. Her skin tingled when she felt his breath just close to her womanhood.

“Please, Conrad.” She begged.

That’s all he needed before kissing her there, pleasuring her in ways that Nic had always loved. Conrad knew her body well. Nic cried out in pleasure and it was music to his ears.  
He flicked his tongue back and forth, kissing her exactly where she wanted.

Her hips bucked against his face, “Conrad!”

Conrad felt her getting closer to her peak so he added a finger. Nic could swear, she almost saw stars, nearly blacking out. She cried out loud when she had reached her peak.

“Oh god…”

He immediately got up and kissed her softy before letting her go for her to catch her breath. He hugged her tightly, his hardness pressed against her thigh.

“I’ll take care of you now…” she whispered before kissing his neck. Her hands on him down to his pecks. Her forefinger and thumb finding his nipple giving it a little tweak. Her other hand reached him and gently started stroking.

He groaned in pleasure, all he wanted to do was take her and too feel her warm heat in the shower but he knew too well that tonight was just about her. All about Nic. She was vulnerable so even if it pained him to do so, he declined.

“I’m okay.”

Nic paused, “But you’re still—”

Conrad shook his head, his voice restrained “I’m okay, I can manage. Let me be the one to take care of you.”

She wanted to argue but she knew what Conrad meant and it almost made her want to cry again so she had no choice but to just nod her head.

Conrad kissed her shoulder before turning her back against him. He took the shampoo bottle and massaged the shampoo onto her scalp. She closed her eyes at the sensation and just lets him bathe her.

Taking the soap, he sensually lathered it on her skin. From her neck, her shoulders till her lower body. He tried so hard not to lose control, reminding himself that Nic needed him now. His desire can wait later.

Once finished, he turned the shower off and reached to grab her towel. He doesn’t let her take it from him rather he patted her fry before grabbing her grey bathrobe and helps her wear it. Conrad was quick to pat himself down and wore his bathrobe which he was thankful was hanging in the bathroom door.

She hugs him tightly, silently thanking him. Conrad scoops her into his arms, carrying her out of the shower. He carefully placed her on their bed and pulls a blanket over her, tucking her in.

“Conrad.” She whispered.

“Sshh.” He caressed her cheek, “Just go to sleep. We can always talk when you’re ready, hmm?”

Again, she nodded.

He pressed a kiss on her forehead before heading over to the other side of the bed. He wrapped an arm around her middle and pulled her closer, nuzzling her neck.

It only took a few minutes before he noted Nic’s breathing, it only meant that she was already sleeping. “Good night, Nic.”


	3. Chapter 3

Conrad woke up in the middle of the night when he felt that Nic was no longer beside him.

“Nic?” he squinted and popped his elbow up. His eyes adjusting to the darkness.

The bathroom light was off meaning she was not there. Worried crept into his veins as he quickly stood up and wore his boxers and a t-shirt which were conveniently on the chair. He grabbed his phone and wallet, just incase he needed to leave the house in case she had left.

“Nic?” he all but ran down the stairs and he let out a breath of relief when he saw her figure outside of their porch.

When he reached her, he quickly wrapped his arm around her middle, placing his chin on her shoulder.

“Why aren’t you in bed?” he asked, still in his bedroom voice.

Nic enveloped his hands on his but did not say anything. She remained quiet.

They both stayed in silence they stared at their sleeping chickens, the moon shining on them.

But Conrad could only stay silent for so long. “I know I said I was going to wait until you are ready to talk but Nic, you’re scaring me.”

She gripped onto his hands tighter before falling apart. Conrad quickly turned her around and wrapped his arms around her. Ever since he had seen her, all he saw her ever do was cry.

And worst of it all, she was not saying anything.

It’s evident to him now that it wasn’t couldn’t have been just an off day for Nic. It had gotta be something deeper.

Something buried deep inside her that she had yet to open up to him about.

“I’m a mess.” She sobbed against his shoulder, “I’m so sorry.”

He rubbed her back as she cried on his shoulder, wanting to let her know that he’s there and that he was not going anywhere. “It’s okay, everything will be okay.”

He was going to make it okay. Whatever It was, he had to if only to ease Nic’s pain.

Nic pulled back, angrily wiping her tears away, “Damn it. How can I be angry over something so…juvenile?”

She stepped out of his arms to give herself space to breathe, “I hate this. This is so frustrating!” 

Conrad scoffed in disbelief, “There is nothing that you’d say or do that would make me hate you, Nic. How can you even suggest that?

She licked her bottom lip, looked away from Conrad’s questioning eyes. God, she did not want to have the conversation with Conrad right now but she was going to burst if she were to keep silent.

Nic crossed her arms as if to protect herself. Conrad was almost afraid she was closing off so what she said next came to his surprise.

“I was jealous.” She bit her lip, guilt evident in her voice.

He did not expect that. “You were jealous.”

“God, it sounds even more ridiculous when you say it.” She chuckled, “but yes, I was.”

She paused, “You paged me earlier.”

“Yeah and you didn’t show up. I was worried.” Conrad said.

“The thing is that…I was there.” Nic closed her eyes, “I saw you talking to Henry. You guys looked so happy, just laughing and being all cute. It was like a perfect picture that I just had to watch you guys.”

Conrad nodded, urging her to go on.

“But then, I overheard him saying that he wished you were his dad.” She whispered but it was loud enough for Conrad to hear.

Conrad got taken back, if she had heard that, it only meant that Nic heard his reply.

“You heard that…” Conrad said softly.

She wiped her tears looking like a lost child, her arms crossed and slumped shoulders.

“I haven’t told you this but I remembered Henry saying that he wishes that you’d marry Zoe, that way, he’d really be your son. A lot of things were happening that time, I didn’t think much of it.” She looked at Conrad.

“It wasn’t t the first time someone said that Henry could be your son. That time with Alec? Again, that never bothered me but for some reason today was different…”

“It bothered you.” Conrad stated with full understanding.

Nic nodded, “You had no idea. When he said that to you, you know the first that came to my head?” Nic choked back a tear, “You were already someone else’s dad. You belonged to someone else. You had a baby. We had a baby!”

Conrad’s heart broke upon the mention of their baby. “Nic…”

Guilt hit Conrad like a ton of bricks not because he had replaced their baby but because he had tried so hard to put that behind him. For years, he had buried that memory deep into his mind. All he did was made sure that Nic was taken care of and for her not to carry the guilt of the miscarriage. They both buried themselves in their own work that they’ve never mentioned it ever again. Not even when they got back together or when they got engaged.

“We never really talked about it, did we?”

“We never did.” A tear fell on her cheek, “We never mourned long enough to talk about it. It was like a chapter in our life that I thought I had long closed but apparently I haven’t moved on from it. I never realized how much I held onto it until now.”

She choked, “I miss him…or her. God,  
We never even gotten to know if it was a boy or girl. But nonetheless, we had a child Conrad.”

“-And when you said that, I felt like you were replacing our baby and he or she never even existed.”

“You know that’s not true, Nic.” Conrad pressed, insulted that Nic would think that.

“I know it isn’t, Conrad.” She tells him. “But in that exact moment, it sure felt like it and I couldn’t help but feel angry at Henry, Zoe…you. And I just…”

She took a deep breath, trying to sort her thoughts and feelings. Not wanting to regret what she was about to say.

“It was wrong and then I felt guilty for feeling that way. Being completely pissed off at myself because all I felt today was self pity and it sucked!” she exclaimed.

Conrad did not say anything as he watched Nic tried to breathe and calm herself down.

She spoke again, her voice filled with remorse. “Henry is such a good kid. Why should I be angry at him for wanting a happy family? He deserves everything and more so I thought, “Why not just let him have what he wants? Conrad seems to want Henry to be his own anyway. I’m the only one standing in his way so maybe I’ll just let Conrad marry Zoe so everyone else is happy!”

Conrad, could not believe what he was hearing. Immediately closing the space between them and gripped both her shoulders, making sure that Nic was looking at him.

“Nic, you’re not making any sense.”

Nic let out a loud scoff before removing his hands on her, her fear getting the worst of her.

“Oh aren’t I? I think I’m making perfect sense, Conrad. Why not marry Zoe?! It seems like the perfect solution!”

“Nic, you’re not serious.” Conrad said, baffled.

She ignored him, “She already got a kid and you love that kid. You’d be one big happy family! It’s a win win!”

“How in the world is that a win win?!” Conrad exclaimed, already in the brink of frustratoin.

“Because she could give you something what I could not!”

 _A family_.

She didn’t have to say it but it was loud and clear for Conrad to hear.

It took two steps for him to reach her, she struggled for a second before giving up and melting in his arms. Allowing her to finally give in to him. Conrad’s heart ached for her and for the pain that she was feeling. All the years of pent up frustrations just came flooding and Nic hated it. She hated being weak but then again this was Conrad. He makes her feel that its okay that she was not alone.

“Sshhh….” His hands rubbing her back, soothing her.

“This is not just about Henry, is it?” he whispered in her hair, rubbing her back to comfort her.

She paused before snorting, “Of course, it isn’t.”

She pulled back, voice hoarse from crying “I’ve had a miscarriage, Conrad. I know that it’s not unusual for first time pregnancies but Conrad…it broke me. I’m not sure I can handle it, if it were to happen again. I just can’t…What if I have another miscarriage, Conrad? What if we only had one shot and that was it?”

Nic shakes her head as more of her tears fell, her heart breaking at the possibility of multiple miscarriages, of not being able to become a mother, to lose herself in the fear…

He lets out a deep breath, wiping her tears with both this thumbs. Her eyes were looking everywhere but his face. “Look at me, Nic.”

She bowed her head, avoiding his gaze. Conrad used his fingers to tilt her head to look at him.

“Look at me.”

Cupping her face, he lovingly gazed at her.

“It doesn’t matter, Nic.” He started. Her eyes looked up to his, tearing her gaze away from his chest.

“If you could give me a baby, I’ll be the happiest man in the world” he kissed her on the forehead before putting his head against hers, “But if you don’t then that’s okay too.”

Nic pulled back, her gaze questioning urging Conrad to go on.

“Do I want a house filled with kids in the future? Heck yes. I won’t deny it. I’d want to have a basketball team. See them feed our chickens, maybe we’d have a pool one day and we’ll teach them how to swim.” Conrad said excitedly.

“Hell maybe one of them would even want to be a doctor! And that’s amazing because they already have me and I’ll teach them everything I know. Start them young.” he chuckled.

Even Nic couldn’t help but laugh.

And suddenly, Conrad’s expression turned serious, “But there is only one woman that I’d want to mother my kids and that is you, Nic Nevin. None of that future stuff will matter if I don’t get to share it with you.”

“-So what I’m saying is that, even if we don’t have kids, even if it’s just the two of us in an empty house, It’s okay because we’re together and that’s all I’ll ever need in this lifetime. Not to be a father but to be your husband.” He finished.

She bit her lip, crying, “Conrad…I don’t know when we’ll…or even if I’ll ever be ready to have a baby. I don’t want to do that to you, I don’t ever want to deprive you from something that you really want.”

“I only want you, Nevin.” He said with conviction, “Haven’t we covered that yet?”

Giving her an assuring smile, “If you ever decide to be ready tomorrow, the day after that, ten twelve years…sooner or even never…it’s okay as long we’re together.”

She bit back a smile, “Sooner or never?”

He chuckled and nodded, “Sooner or never.”

She sniffed, “But a-are you sure? Because a lifetime with me just alone is like a really really longtime. I’m a nervous wreck. Are you sure you can handle that?”

He laughed, “I wouldn’t want it any other way and besides, a lot of couples end up not having children and it worked for them. I don’t see why it can’t be like that with us. We don’t need to give in to the pressure of having a family, if we’re not ready.”

“Are you saying that you are?”

He grinned, “If you are, then I will be.”

Nic finally broke a smile as Conrad wiped away her remaining tears before enveloping her in a warm embrace.

“I’m so sorry…”

He shook his head, “Don’t ever apologize for being real to me, for telling me the truth. I’m glad you told me.”

Not that she needed any sort of validation from Conrad but she was glad he said that. It felt like a huge weight had lifted off her shoulders.

“And speaking of being real…” He pulled back, “About Henry and Zoe…”

Nic winced, shame being filled inside her.

Conrad shook his head, “Henry is an amazing kid. And If I were to ever o have a son, I’d want him to be as amazing as that little boy maybe even more. That’s what I meant with what I said earlier.”

Shaking her head,“You don’t need to explain to me, Conrad.”

He ignored her, “As for Zoe…” he grinned. “I’ve never pinned you as the jealous type.”

Nic pinched his side which caused Conrad to laugh out loud. Of course, he’d teased her at the time like this.

“You know it wasn’t like that.” she argued. Conrad lifted his eyebrows as if not believing her.

Nic couldn’t help but give a little pout. “Okay, maybe a little.”

He laughed before wrapping his arms around her waist, “She’s a good woman and no doubt an amazing mother but she’s not the one who’s wearing that ring on your finger. Nor will she ever have the chance to.”

Caressing her cheeks, he added, “So please, get the whole Zoe and me marrying out of that beautiful head of yours because that will never happen. I swear, it was really upsetting for you to even suggest such a thing. Thinking you could just give me away like that.”

Wrapping her arms around his middle, “I’m so sorry. You know, I’d never do that to you.”

Conrad kissed the side of her head, “Good because I would never allow you to.”

They stood there in comfortable silence, just the sound of crickets in their backyard. It was already close to morning but neither wanted to sleep yet. They wanted to bask in each others arms just for a little while. Their relationship was never going to be perfect not that there is is one but they could only hope that whatever life will throw at them, they’d have to trust that everything is going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have struggled alot of insecurities and then felt guilty for feeling them because I thought they were irrational. It took a long to time to be okay with them as long I'd voice them out or accept that that's how I feel and there are feelings that cannot be helped. As long as i do not let them cloud me for so long. 
> 
> So if anyone had ever felt this way, trust me it's okay. it's okay to feel things.


	4. Chapter 4

“Speaking of which…I’m really sorry about the other day.” Nic segued after discussing a case with Nurse Hundley.

It had been two days since the incident and everything’s back to normal for Nic and Conrad. She was glad that she had her job to distract her from all the heaviness that she had been feeling lately. 

Hundley paused before realizing what Nic was talking about, “Oh dear, _Hell nah_ , you do not need to apologize. We all are entitled with those days given the stress of our jobs not to mention personal life.”

Nic sighed in relief, “Thank you.”

“But are you feeling better now though?” Hundley asked, genuinely concerned,

Nic smiled, “Yes, I’m o- _oh wow_.”

A jolt of pain shot through her lower back and pelvic area which almost made her fall forward but Hundley was quick to catch her hand.

“Woah! Are you okay?!”

Nic winced when the cramps came again but this time less painful, “Y-yeah, I think so. Just cramps.”

“Just cramps? Looks kinda painful. Maybe you ought to get that checked out.”

Nic paused, “Wait what day is it?”

“Friday. It’s the fifth.”

Nic nodded, “Probably the time of the month.”

Though this one would definitely be the most painful period cramp she’d ever felt in her life, she’d make a mental note to buy some anti inflammatory for the pain later. She and Hundley went back to their duties, her pain forgotten for a good hour. Her suspicions confirmed when she went to the rest room seeing some spotting. She was grateful that she had an extra pad in her bag.

After that, she started walking back to her locker until she felt the familiar pain on her lower abdomen even worse than before.

She winced in pain, placing a hand on the wall to support herself and the other hand on her abdomen. “Jesus Christ…”

“Woah. Woah. Hold up there, Nic. You okay?”

Nic turned around to see Gabbi, one of the OBs in Chastain, worry evident in her face.

“Yeah…it’s just these cramps.” Nic groaned before standing up, the pain lessening. “Time of the month just came”

Gabbi nodded, “Did you take some meds?”

She shook her head no.

“I have some in my office, come on.”

Grateful, Nic followed Gabbi into her office. It was a good thing that that Red Rock decided not to cut the OB department, it would have been a huge loss at Chastain. She was one the best in Atlanta and Chastain is very lucky to have her.

“Come sit.”

Nic almost sighed in relief when she sat, feeling so much better. “Thanks Gabbi, I was going to get some later.”

Gabbi chuckled, “You are working at a hospital, Nic. You could literally get them-” she snapped her finger, “-just like that.”

Nic chuckled, “Thanks but I don’t feel like stealing in our workplace, if you know what I mean? Moral compass and all.”

Gabbi laughed before handing her a bottle of water and the pill to Nic. “Here you go. Should be able to kick in after a few.”

Taking the pill and water, she immediately drank. “You are an angel.”

“So I’ve been told.” She teased before sitting down in front of Nic. “Good?”

“Good.” Nic smiled, closing the bottle. Giving Gabbi a glimpse of her ring.

Gabbi gave an excited squeal, “I’m sorry, I can’t…can I see the ring again?”

Nic rolled her eyes playfully before showing her the ring, Gabbi inspected it with awe before letting go of Nic’s hand.

“Who knew Hawkins would have amazing taste? But then again, he’s marrying you so, I shouldn’t be surprised.”

Nic laughed, “Thank you, Gabbi. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.”

“So how’s the planning going?” Gabbi asked in piqued interest.

Nic sighed and shrugged, “It’s going. Really stressful but Conrad has been helpful. We’re really-”

She got cut off by another wave of pain in abdomen, though less painful than earlier but painful enough for her to wince in pain.

“Wish the meds would kick in anytime.”

Gabbi frowned, “Are your period cramps had always been that bad?

Nic looked back in her past period pains before shaking her head no. “This would be the first time.”

“Any constipations this morning?”

“Uh…come to think of it.... earlier. I might have eaten something.”

Gabbi nodded, “Alright, since we’re here and I’m free for the next hour. Might as well have a quick look.”

Before Nic could even say anything, Gabbi already stood up leading her to the examination room.

“You think it’s something else?”

Gabbi shrugged, “It could be just be cramps but I just wanted to see what is causing the pain. Might be something worth a look.”

Nic nodded in agreement. Quickly laying down, Nic rolled her shirt up for access.

Squeezing the cool gel on Nic’s belly, Gabbi pulled out the transducer from the ultrasound machine before gently pressing the device onto her abdomen.

Nic, being the nurse practitioner could not help but look at the monitor itself. Curious as to what is causing the pain.

But her heart stopped when she saw what was on the screen.

“Won’t you look at that?” Gabbi could not contain the excitement. “Congratulations, Mommy.”

\--

“Not again, Conrad.” Irving complained for the nth time. It was the fifth time that they had been playing pool and Conrad had been beating Irving’s ass five times in a row. It was a quiet night at the 404 Tavern so they were able to play without being disturbed.

“Come on, Irving. Don’t be a sore loser.” Conrad teased before taking a swig of his beer.

“I am not. I am tired and I could be slow dancing with my girl but no, I’m stuck playing pool with you.” Irving folded his arms, not even trying to mask his annoyance.

Conrad feigned hurt, “I thought you liked playing pool with me. You wound me, Feldman. We basically started together at Chastain, we’re practically brothers!”

“You just want to play with me because you know your fiancé will be arriving soon and you know that she’ll beat your butt in pool.” Irving took a quick scan of the tavern, “Speaking of which, where is Nic? Shouldn’t she be here right now?”

Conrad sighed, he had spent the last thirty minutes trying to distract himself from worrying. He had received a text message from Nic that she was already on her way but that had been an hour ago.

“Hey, sorry I’m late.”

Both men turned around to see Nic, dressed in her favorite sweatshirt and denim. Conrad was relieved to not see any signs of distress in Nic’s face. In fact, she looked very happy. Radiant.

Conrad grinned wrapped an arm around her waist, giving her a sweet kiss, “Hello.”

“Hey you.” She replied sweetly before giving him another peck.

“My cue to leave.” Irving tells the couple before leaving the area to join Jessica and their other collogues.

“Thanks Irving!” Conrad called out before turning back to Nic who looked at him with awe.

He couldn’t help but ask, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Nic shrugged before placing her arms around his neck, “Can’t I just look at my fiancé whom I really really love and appreciate?”

Conrad grinned, “Okay so either you ate all my chocolates again in my sock drawer or you threw all my socks away. Which is it?”

Nic playfully hits his shoulder, “Hey. I did none of those things!”

He gave out a hearty laughter before giving her a peck on the lips, “I missed you.”

“Miss you too.” She replied, smiling wide. “I have something to tell you.”

Conrad raised his brows in curiosity, “I’m listening.”

Nic closed her eyes and collected the right words. Wanting to see his whole face, she pulled out of his embrace, not too far that they are no longer touching each other. She grabbed both his hands and bought them closer to her.

Looking into Conrad’s eyes, she was certain that this was what she really wanted.

“Remember when you said that night…” Her eyes glistening, “Sooner or never?”

Conrad blinked before slowly nodding.

Nic beamed and brought both his hands over her flat stomach, “Sooner.”

It took a second for Conrad to process what Nic had said. His eyes moved back and forth from her belly to her and when it did, it struck him.

In that moment, Conrad did not want to move a muscle, he did not want to blink or even breathe, not like he could but he dared not to. Afraid that everything was just a dream, that it was unreal.

“A-re you-” he couldn’t get the words out.

Poor Conrad, he looked like he was going to pass out.

Nic bit her lip and nodded. Her eyes already pooling with tears.

“W-we’re going to have a baby?”

She nodded again, cupping his cheek, “We’re going to have a baby.”

“We’re going to have a baby.” He repeated again. “Are you serious?” 

Nic laughed, already amused by Conrad’s reaction. “Four weeks and counting.”

“Oh my god!” Conrad elated, before wrapping his arms around her middle, and twirled her around. Nic yelped before ordering him to put her down.

Cupping her cheek, he gave her multiple pecks on the lips before kneeling down and kissed her still flat stomach.

“Conrad!” Nic giggled, “Get up from there!”

He laughed before obliging and enveloped her in his arms tightly but not too tight, afraid he’d hurt the baby.

Baby.

 _Their_ baby.

Nic and Him were going to be parents.

He was going to be a dad.

The knowledge itself gave Conrad an unexplainable happiness that he had not thought possible, it was consuming and so strong. All the pain and hardships that they had went through lead them to this.

Nic felt Conrad’s shoulder shake so she pulled back and was surprised to see there were tears in his eyes. “Conrad….”

“That time…” He started, his eyes filled with sadness, “You asked me what I would have done.”

In an instant, Nic knew what he was talking about. _Her miscarriage._

He cupped her cheek, his tears falling “I would have asked you to go through with it, Nic. No doubt. I would have protected you and the baby. Made sure that it was going to be brought up into this world by two parents who loved it very much even before he was born. I would have been in the delivery room, holding our baby, cutting the U cord and all that. I would have done everything, I could Nic.”

He choked back a tear, “ _Everything_.” 

Nic bit her lip, listening intently without getting her emotions get the best of her.

“W-why didn’t you tell me that?”

“I took one a look at you, Nic. Y-you were so broken. I didn’t have the heart to share what I felt knowing that it will not change a thing nor will it bring our baby back. I was so angry for a long time that a chance was taken away from us.”

Sighing before continuing, “So I focused on taking care of you that time, for you to get better,, kept silent, tried to forget and convinced myself that you needed me but in truth, it was me who needed you.”

She remembered him staying the night just to be with her and made sure that she was okay. Not once, had he left her side not even after that night. He was her rock, _is_ her rock. She would have never known what she had become if Conrad wasn’t there by her side. That was when she knew that Conrad was special, someone she knew could never compare to the boys in her life before.

Reaching out, Nic wiped his tears before enveloping him in a warm embrace, “It’s okay, Conrad. Its over now.”

He nodded against her before pulling her closer and closed his eyes when felt There was that sense of relief and peace that he not felt for a very long time. He’d grown accustomed to burying his feelings that sometimes, he’d forgotten that they were there in first place.

“Nic,” he pulled back and lovingly gazed at her, “You have no idea how happy this makes me.”

Nic choked back a tear, “Finally getting that second chance”

He wanted to celebrate and as much as he was afraid to ask, he needed to know.

“Are you sure, Nic? Is this what you really want? Are we ready?” His eyes filled with concern.

She nodded vigorously, “Without a doubt. Yes,I’m still scared that things could go wrong but I’m willing to take the risk if that means having that life that you had described. A pool, feeding the chickens-”

“A basketball team.” He flashes a grin.

Nic chuckled, “That’s up for debate. We’ll try with one then go from there.”

His heart felt so full right, he felt like he might combust, “I love you.”

“And I love you.” She replied, whole heartedly.

Conrad took another swig of his beer before facing the mini crowd at the tavern. “Listen everybody! I’ve got an announcement to make!”

Her eyes widened, “Conrad!”

On the top of his lungs, he cried out. “I’M GOING TO BE A DAD!”

The crowd cheered, both Irving ad Jessica alongside with some of the hospital staff were squealed at the announcement, quickly making way to them to congratulate the couple. Nic was swept away by most of the nursing staff while Conrad stayed watch.

“I can see it now. Uncle Irving. It has such a ring to it!” Irving chuckled.

Conrad laughed and patted him on his shoulder, “Yeah yeah, Uncle Irving. Settle down.”

“I bet his first word would be statoscope or…meningitis or brain aneurysm... ”

Irving chatted on and on how Conrad’s child would be such a pain if it were to inherit Conrad’s stubbornness but would really be cute if it were to inherit Nic’s very cute chubby cheeks, but he was no longer paying attention to Irving as he just looked at Nic as she chatted away with the nurses.

It’s true when they say that women do have their pregnancy glow and Nic was just radiating of it. She never looked more beautiful to Conrad till now.

Nic was carrying his baby.

 _His_ baby.

From that moment, he had vowed to himself that he was going to do everything to make sure that he was going to take care of both his future wife and kids.

Conrad could no longer wait for the new chapter that awaits them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANDDDD it's done!! Took a long time but I'm very happy how it panned out. I apologise for any typo or grammatical errors in the fic. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. 
> 
> Till next time!


End file.
